It’s one of those lax but sultry sunny afternoons, my tummy hurts through the rumbling noises and I have only 200/- in my pocket. I am through with my classes and I can’t just steer into the hot sun, trying to figure out how I will go home. I like my schedule for the semester, now the school looks like a Deadman’s arm. The peaceful nature of the environment at school can make someone be in fellowship with the holy spirit.
Self
I take a seat at the table at the corner of the café, all alone. The waiter brings forth a plate of fries, the only thing I can afford at the moment. I take a bite and for a moment I feel broken and so cold. I want every day to feel like summer but, we don’t do seasons, its either hot or cold. I feel some pain in the left side of my heart, then it’s like I am all alone in the room.
Realization
I am not a therapist but sometimes I like to be alone, ‘me time’ self-reflection, which sometimes creeps me out. I have to admit it, I am scared to face the reality of life. What do I have to offer? Who do I have to see? Will the society think I am out of my mind? Sometimes I make too many excuses just to stay in my comfort zone.
I take a bite of the food then revert my eyes to the chair next to me, it is empty that’s why I take a long look at it in despair. Then I remember this one girl, her touch gave me goosebumps. It was too soon to say goodbye and now my eyes are trying to look at the orange sky every day until I forget her. I can’t deny that she made me happy, but since then I have never been happy with myself.
I try to cut my wrists and bleed, to see if I will be free. Switch off the lights because of the whispers in my head and the long nights with short nightmares. I stayed in for a long time and probably all my moves were wrong. However, I tried not to tie up ropes all night with tears at the edge of my eyes, mixing therapy and Jesus with painkillers. I am running out of patience and I feel like it's my turn to be in paradise.
I am at war with my thoughts, I have been thinking too much and I think I have lost touch with reality, now happiness is just an illusion. Maybe the world is better off without me, maybe I am just untitled and if I stop running, I will stop breathing heavily, maybe it takes a long day to know life’s too short.
I am at war with my mental issues, part of me feels like I want to live like them but will I rather lose my identity and commit my soul to modern slavery. Mentally, it has gone on and on repeating itself and now am losing it. It hits so hard i..i…i…I think about the long strides that will make me a man but most of the time it hurts. You know how it is sometimes i….it….its like doing God’s work in the devil’s playground.
My phone rings, then I snapped out of it; it’s just a message from my network operator stating that I have to pay my okoa jahazi.
Self
I take a seat at the table at the corner of the café, all alone. The waiter brings forth a plate of fries, the only thing I can afford at the moment. I take a bite and for a moment I feel broken and so cold. I want every day to feel like summer but, we don’t do seasons, its either hot or cold. I feel some pain in the left side of my heart, then it’s like I am all alone in the room.
Realization
I am not a therapist but sometimes I like to be alone, ‘me time’ self-reflection, which sometimes creeps me out. I have to admit it, I am scared to face the reality of life. What do I have to offer? Who do I have to see? Will the society think I am out of my mind? Sometimes I make too many excuses just to stay in my comfort zone.
I take a bite of the food then revert my eyes to the chair next to me, it is empty that’s why I take a long look at it in despair. Then I remember this one girl, her touch gave me goosebumps. It was too soon to say goodbye and now my eyes are trying to look at the orange sky every day until I forget her. I can’t deny that she made me happy, but since then I have never been happy with myself.
I try to cut my wrists and bleed, to see if I will be free. Switch off the lights because of the whispers in my head and the long nights with short nightmares. I stayed in for a long time and probably all my moves were wrong. However, I tried not to tie up ropes all night with tears at the edge of my eyes, mixing therapy and Jesus with painkillers. I am running out of patience and I feel like it's my turn to be in paradise.
I am at war with my thoughts, I have been thinking too much and I think I have lost touch with reality, now happiness is just an illusion. Maybe the world is better off without me, maybe I am just untitled and if I stop running, I will stop breathing heavily, maybe it takes a long day to know life’s too short.
I am at war with my mental issues, part of me feels like I want to live like them but will I rather lose my identity and commit my soul to modern slavery. Mentally, it has gone on and on repeating itself and now am losing it. It hits so hard i..i…i…I think about the long strides that will make me a man but most of the time it hurts. You know how it is sometimes i….it….its like doing God’s work in the devil’s playground.
My phone rings, then I snapped out of it; it’s just a message from my network operator stating that I have to pay my okoa jahazi.
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