The truth is that we rise and fall and at the end of it, we have to hold on. It only took me two days to realize that the demon in me had gone. It sounds holy, righteous, with no sin but at the same time, I feel hollow and alone. Who will hold my hands when I am scared of the dark? Who will I talk to? The light fades slowly and the darkness is set to devour our hearts.
Dear; (to whom it may concern)...
I did not try, but I realized no one has time for anyone these days. I promise you that you have no friends, I promise you that you will be lonely when I go. I know yesterday was the time of our lives. I know it looked like yesterday when we met and everything changed. When you said we were like brothers, so close than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos. How you went lengths apart to be there for me. If you were deep in water, I would have given you my lungs to breathe.
Just go through your contact list, if it’s not your mom and dad, who calls you or even texts you now that I am gone? When God created us, he made us special and I got to experience how special and unique we are. We are so different yet we want to fight for equality, I hope they will have a breakthrough at it. I used to envy you when you used to say, “pesa si shida, shida ni ukona furaha” now I understand what it meant.
However, I think we all have some mental defect, I ran from it, I tried to hide, but I was not the kid I used to be and the dark has my story. So, I went rogue and now am at peace. If they call you, you can always ignore. I know you are sick; you are weak. You are scared of the dark but because you are a ‘nice guy’ it was alright because they wanted to sleep. If they call you, ran, ran as fast as you can: at least you are not numb yet. You see life and it makes me smile. I had to let go and see if I will want more. Down on my knees, I sinned but we all make mistakes.
I think you are ready for tomorrow. I was just tired of reality and my spirit did not move like it did before. I was tired of second-guessing if heaven right now is a devil or angel away. I was just tired, so I bought ropes and razors, walked through the dark alley and I wanted it to be gory. I hope the light does not flicker on you; I hope your ratio won’t be 6:4.
I know sorry will not change how you feel.
I fell and this is goodbye.
Best regards
Your best friend.
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